Really Rocket Science

The inaugural launch of a Soyuz-2.1a from the ridiculously corrupt Vostochny Cosmodrome in Russia’s Far Eastern Amur Oblast was to be something big. Putin made the trip to view it and, naturally, it failed. Well, not completely: it was scrubbed after the computers took over, roughly at the T-90-second mark.

It’s a good thing the computers are doing their job, because Russians aren’t capable. Without the contribution of Ukraine’s Yuzhmash, they’ll probably continue to be the primary exporter of failure. Together with being a state sponsor of terrorism worldwide, they give the term “embrace failure” new meaning.

Second attempt will be later today. If that fails, Russian rocket scientists will start disappearing. Putin confirmed somebody’s going to jail already.

You will go and plant Russian flag. Rename it “Mootin.”

With all the sanctions in place against major industries in Putin’s Russian Empire, it’s become increasingly difficult to sell $65 million Proton launches. Add that to illusion of “Russian quality” in manufacturing, and you’ve got a direct route to failure.

So what’s psycho dickhead’s master plan for his space industry? Plan a manned mission to the Moon! Via ITAR-TASS, the drunk derelicts who can’t get a decent translator for their site…

Russia’s Federal Space Agency (Roscosmos) plans to begin full-scale exploration of the Moon in late 2020s-early 2030s, Roscosmos chief Oleg Ostapenko said on Tuesday.

“At the end of the next decade, we plan to complete tests of a super-heavy-class carries rocket and begin full-scale exploration of the Moon,” he said at a government meeting chaired by Russian Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Rogozin. “By that time, based on the results of lunar surface exploration by unmanned space probes, we will designate most promising places for lunar expeditions and lunar bases,” Ostapenko added.

Let’s hope it’s not another Foton-M 1 launch. That was “bloody hell.”

It’s probably a reaction to plug holes in the Russian brain bucket, which is leaking journalists and middle-class professionals. Pussy Riot confirmed this while visiting Harvard.